It's over....

I have good days...I have bad days and then I have the worst days of my life...I feel like I am back in high school, unwanted, unloved, worthless...the person I adore the person I love most in this world made me feel worthless.It's a terrible feeling to have to live with, sometimes I think I can't, it's too much, alcohol dulls the pain a little but the nights are the worst, when you turn out the lights and your mind plays out your entire relationship, like some cruel twisted movie, bent on hurting you. I Keep asking myself if I could do it all again, would I do anything different? And what exactly did I do? Love too much? Care too much? My bad, I always said I loved him more than he loved more....and it seems now he never really loved me at all, my father takes great delight in telling me "I told you so..." maybe he was right, he was playing me all along, for the whole time. He used me to fill up his empty days, his lonely life and when he no longer had free time , time for me,  he cast me away like yesterday's trash. And I gave him the means to do it. People keep telling me I was too good for him, he was mediocre, that I'll find someone else and have a better life...but I don't want anyone else, I want him, I want the life I planned with him, any other life is meaningless.
What do I have to look forward to, now the love of my life is gone? A lonely future, a second grade relationship, nothing...
I don't want to live anymore........I can't live in a world where he doesn't love me...where he can't even bring himself to give a shit enough to talk to me, or even reply to my emails...I can't take his sadness anymore...it hurts too much...