Love is not a feeling per say, it's something you become

This time last year I was in love with an amazing man, a man who made me feel so loved and special and beautiful, the man of my dreams. This day 14th February 2011 I will always remember, not as valentine's day, but as the day he told me he was in love with me and asked me to be his wife for the first time.Fast forward 365 days and I am still in love with the same man, but he is no longer in love with me, he left me. And I sad, and alone and broken and empty inside and no matter how much I try I can't move on, simple fact I don't want to, I know I can't trust him anymore, and I no longer feel safe or secure with him, but I love him with an undying passion that I can't just turn off like he has done, he is my world, even now, I spend my days waiting for a call from him, for a text message, anything I love him so much it hurts me inside to my core and everyday I am away from him, every day I don't get to say "I love you" another little piece of me dies inside and I know one day there will be nothing left for anyone else...not even me. I would die for him, I would honestly and gladly give up my life if I knew that would make him happy and safe for the rest of his life, because in reality, I can't live in a world where he doesn't love me, where I am not with him, it's too hard to do, it's impossible, he is my soul mate, my love, my heart my very soul my everything.

Vincent van Gogh

Vincent van Gogh lived a short, deeply tormented life, throughout which he sought (in vain) his place in the world. He died, by his own hand, feeling his life was a miserable failure. Unknown to Vincent, the work he did pioneered the Expressionistic style and 150 years after his birth, his name would be world famous.The beauty his tormented soul created in his fabulous pieces of art would live on well beyond him, well beyond his pain and they would bring such joy and happiness to the millions who have experienced the beauty of his hand.

I want to get to the point where people say of my work that man feels deeply.

- Vincent van Gogh

The five kinds of drunk girls

1. The Jealous Drunk

This girl is very insecure about herself, usually the pretty girl, and she will do anything to put down another pretty girl that might steal her limelight. This is the girl that points at the nightclub dancers and whispers to her friends about how “ugly” they are, when in reality, she would need to lose 10 lbs to look half as decent as the dancer. She then tries to out dance the dancer by jiggling her ass and spilling her cosmo all over the place. If a prettier girl is in her area, she gives her the evil eye and asks her friends to validate that she is hotter than that “ugly ho”. 

 2. The Wannabe-Club Dancer Drunk

She is easy to spot because she is always dancing on a table, a couch, a shoebox, basically anything she can find to elevate herself so she is noticed by other guys. She is the girl that will jump up on the dance podium the moment the dancer gets off. Sometimes she even tries to get on while the dancer is still dancing on it, and in the process almost pushes her off. She loves to bring her girl friends up to dance on the tables with her because she knows that two girls get more attention than one. If guys start to photograph her, she makes it even “hotter” by kissing her girl friends or posing in a sexual position with her boobs hanging out. I like these drunk girls because they are amusing to watch.

 
3. The Conceited Drunk

She may be the hottest girl in the club, but as soon as she opens her mouth everyone within a 10 mile radius cringes. She thinks she is God’s gift to the world and everyone MUST think the same. She almost never gets approached by men because they are too afraid, and this enrages her even more. But when they do approach her, she ignores them because they are not hot/wealthy/cool enough. The world is against this girl and her delusional mind, but she seems to be oblivious to it all. She expects VIP treatment where ever she goes and causes a scene when she doesn’t get it. The more she drinks the more conceited she gets, and the only reason that she has friends is because they like the attention they get from guys when she is around.

 4. The Horny Drunk

These girls are the ones that try to fuck anything that moves. She can be split into two categories: the one who actually gets laid, and the one who goes home alone. Horny drunks are sometimes, but not always, slutty drunks that are going to fuck a guy at the end of the night, regardless of their level of attractiveness or martial status. She is often the least socially acceptable of all the drunks, but, more often than not, the most desired.

 5. The Fake Drunk

This girl sips on Red Bull all night and always comments on how strong her drink is. She makes sure everyone knows how “drunk” she is when in reality she is as sober as a Mormon on Sabbath. What is the reason behind this big act? She can act stupid and slutty and everyone thinks it’s just the alcohol. She is a very good liar and a talented actress. These girls are very easy to spot if you are sober as well, as they have moments when they are not in the act.

Butterflies once more.....

So I needed to ask Navi something and I sent him a text, asked if I could call him, I didn't really expect a reply, or if anything I expected one of his "I'm so busy now get back to you later" replies. But he actually called me like right away. And I asked him what I needed to, and then we started to talk, I tried so hard to not make it awkward, I didn't want that, but we talked for so long and it was amazing it felt like coming home after a long day and I realized that I still care for him more than I ever realized, I thought I was getting over him, but I realize now I am no where near getting over him. Talking to him just felt right it just felt like that's how it should be, just like I always wanted. Even before he explained what was going on with him, I had forgiven him, how could inot he is my world, I adore him.

Facebook....thank you.....???

So after a week of begging and pleading, Facebook finally gave me my account back, and they are sorry for any inconvenience...no shit!
It all started on New Year's Eve day, I was posting a status and I left to make something to eat, when I got back Facebook had signed me out of my account and it told me that my account had been disabled due to suspicious payment activity.
After following all their links and submitting a report it took them 4 days to even reply to me with this email:

Honestly I was a little worried about sending my ID to Facebook, didn't they get into trouble last year for passing on their members information to third parties? But never the less I blocked out all the information that they didn't need and I sent them a copy of my driver's license.

I then had to wait a further two days before I finally got the email I was waiting for:

And that was it I had my account back. I know it's only Facebook, but I have to admit I was very upset and quite emotional about the whole thing. I had so many photos and messages and things I didn't want to lose. so even though I have strep throat and feel like crap, I am one very happy girl today.

Orange Bowl

I could totally get into this football BS but only if I watch it live, I fall asleep in front of the TV but when I'm in the stadium I am like a lunatic. I think it's the adrenaline and the cheering crowd I just get caught up in the moment.
You know when they say a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, well that's what's happened here, ever since my friend Joey, explained to me the basics of football I have been voicing my opinions like it's nobody's business.And it got me invited to the Orange Bowl this past Wednesday, for the pricy sum of $125, but you know what it was well worth it. I had an amazing time. The atmosphere is contagious and I just lose myself. if I was watching it at home I probably would've fallen asleep in front of the TV
My next goal is to see a live hockey game I can't wait to get to New Jersey for that I am hoping I'll have more opportunity to see them while I am there.

A World of Wonders

“	We live on a world of wonders. A place of astonishing beauty and complexity. We have vast oceans and incredible weather. Giant mountains and breath-taking landscapes. If you think that this is all there is, that our planet exists in magnificent isolation, then you're wrong. We're part of a much wider ecosystem, that extends way beyond the top of our atmosphere. As a physicist I'm fascinated by how the laws of nature that shaped all this, also shaped the worlds beyond our home planet. I think we're living through the greatest age of discovery our civilisation has known. We've voyaged to the farthest reaches of the Solar System. We've photographed strange new worlds, stood in unfamiliar landscapes, tasted alien air.	”
—- Professor Brian Cox

Facebook....YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK

So I am screwing around on Facebook, getting opinions on which dress to wear for NYE party at Mansion. And I decide to go and get a sandwich, I made grilled cheese and ham it took me about 10-15 mins no more.I came back to my laptop and I click on my news feed and it says I need to log in to do that, so I do and I get told my account has been disabled due to "suspicious payment activity" which is ridiculous I have never bought anything over Facebook, never used a paypal or credit card.I am assuming that in the 15 mins I was away someone hacked me and made these suspicious payments, but what really annoys me is Facebook's support or lack of rather is BULLSHIT. All I got was a bunch of useless links that didn't address my issue, I filled out their asshole form and got an automated email that did nothing to help me and since then silence, I don't know the fate of my profile, I don't know if it's gone for good or if it's coming back  - nothing.
I know people say it's only Facebook but I have a lot of memories all my messages to Navi back when things were good, photos, little tidbits, contacts with friends abroad little things I won't be able to get back, plus I used Facebook to join a lot of other sites and without it I can't access those sites either so it really really sucks. I feel cut off from my friends, yeah we text and talk but I can't see what they are doing or their photos and I really looked cute last night and I wanted to show off my  photos I have but now I have nowhere to post them and the countdown video and the kiss I got from Angel... me miss Facebook but it sucks hairy balls.....