The five kinds of drunk girls

1. The Jealous Drunk

This girl is very insecure about herself, usually the pretty girl, and she will do anything to put down another pretty girl that might steal her limelight. This is the girl that points at the nightclub dancers and whispers to her friends about how “ugly” they are, when in reality, she would need to lose 10 lbs to look half as decent as the dancer. She then tries to out dance the dancer by jiggling her ass and spilling her cosmo all over the place. If a prettier girl is in her area, she gives her the evil eye and asks her friends to validate that she is hotter than that “ugly ho”. 

 2. The Wannabe-Club Dancer Drunk

She is easy to spot because she is always dancing on a table, a couch, a shoebox, basically anything she can find to elevate herself so she is noticed by other guys. She is the girl that will jump up on the dance podium the moment the dancer gets off. Sometimes she even tries to get on while the dancer is still dancing on it, and in the process almost pushes her off. She loves to bring her girl friends up to dance on the tables with her because she knows that two girls get more attention than one. If guys start to photograph her, she makes it even “hotter” by kissing her girl friends or posing in a sexual position with her boobs hanging out. I like these drunk girls because they are amusing to watch.

 
3. The Conceited Drunk

She may be the hottest girl in the club, but as soon as she opens her mouth everyone within a 10 mile radius cringes. She thinks she is God’s gift to the world and everyone MUST think the same. She almost never gets approached by men because they are too afraid, and this enrages her even more. But when they do approach her, she ignores them because they are not hot/wealthy/cool enough. The world is against this girl and her delusional mind, but she seems to be oblivious to it all. She expects VIP treatment where ever she goes and causes a scene when she doesn’t get it. The more she drinks the more conceited she gets, and the only reason that she has friends is because they like the attention they get from guys when she is around.

 4. The Horny Drunk

These girls are the ones that try to fuck anything that moves. She can be split into two categories: the one who actually gets laid, and the one who goes home alone. Horny drunks are sometimes, but not always, slutty drunks that are going to fuck a guy at the end of the night, regardless of their level of attractiveness or martial status. She is often the least socially acceptable of all the drunks, but, more often than not, the most desired.

 5. The Fake Drunk

This girl sips on Red Bull all night and always comments on how strong her drink is. She makes sure everyone knows how “drunk” she is when in reality she is as sober as a Mormon on Sabbath. What is the reason behind this big act? She can act stupid and slutty and everyone thinks it’s just the alcohol. She is a very good liar and a talented actress. These girls are very easy to spot if you are sober as well, as they have moments when they are not in the act.